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    The Beach - a poem

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    perkunas

    Posts : 49
    Join date : 2012-04-21

    The Beach - a poem

    Post  perkunas on Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:29 am

    Well I was told to make a thread for discussion of this, so I suppose I will. I'm not exceedingly proud of this little work, but I suppose allowing myself the vulnerable position can kick-start things and serve as an example of discussion we can have here.

    We drove up there, across the bridge;
    Flow and flow the sea did;
    Uncanny how it got so cold.

    The moon made itself ousted then,
    Fooled many every night
    When its screech came with no tune.
    We two stood in the hemlock called
    Youth, and then he looked out.
    I decided to look out too.

    The empty waves, red and clear;
    Less and less I saw them.
    I looked out and saw darkness.

    I could analyze it myself but I'd prefer to allow everyone to read it first.
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    Tiresias
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    Re: The Beach - a poem

    Post  Tiresias on Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:40 am

    I think the way in which the perspective is momentarily focused upward (as opposed to downward, or even outward) in the middle sexain is splendid.
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    perkunas

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    Join date : 2012-04-21

    Re: The Beach - a poem

    Post  perkunas on Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:09 am

    Could you explain to me what you mean by an upward perspective? I suppose this could just be a poetry term I'm ignorant of.
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    theswedisheditor

    Posts : 31
    Join date : 2012-04-21
    Location : Sweden

    Re: The Beach - a poem

    Post  theswedisheditor on Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:22 am

    ^ / ^ / ^ / ^ /
    We drove | up there,| across |the bridge;
    ^ / ^ / ^ /
    Flow and | flow the | sea did;
    ^ / ^ / ^ / /
    Uncanny | how it | got so cold.

    The moon made itself ousted then,
    Fooled many every night
    When its screech came with no tune.
    We two stood in the hemlock called
    Youth, and then he looked out.
    I decided to look out too.

    The empty waves, red and clear;
    Less and less I saw them.
    I looked out and saw darkness.

    Nice framework.
    A chilling poem about the fear of having no future ahead?
    Or the infinte sea of possibilites -- is the fear itself.
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    Bakuninger

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    Join date : 2012-04-21

    Re: The Beach - a poem

    Post  Bakuninger on Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:23 am

    I enjoyed it. I get something about deception of opinions from it, or the deception of what the future might be.
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    perkunas

    Posts : 49
    Join date : 2012-04-21

    Re: The Beach - a poem

    Post  perkunas on Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:33 am

    Yes, I intended it to be about the future (or perhaps a lack thereof). The main point I suppose being a teenager looking out at the sea, while at a beach in summer, and seeing nothing in his future.

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